At some point in the last year or two, I got the sense that I had transcended that line between youth and adulthood. However, more and more I am finding myself grasping for survival tools that don't even existent. What am I going to do if I don't have a job by the time I have to move out let alone continue to pay rent where I currently live? Getting a temp job or freelance project is nice, but it only pushes back the date of when all hell will break loose.
As if that's not enough, how can I keep those around me content when I myself am not? I feel like I need to be selfish right now and defensive and isolated. Actually, I want to be isolated from people. I don't want to explain what my plan is for finding employment or housing. I don't want people's suggestions. You know what it is? I don't want to find work. I don't want to get back in line with everyone else and go through the ridiculous motions, which only result in feeling worthless and undervalued.
I'm generally angry about how cheap my labor goes for. Even employed at full-time I only had enough to cover bills & rent. Tell me, what motivation is there to not live off of government aid? Keeping one's pride intact? As if.
